Melinda’s Journal

Sunday, February 11

Last night, I had a horrible dream. Pat stood me up for the Sweetheart Dance, our first Valentine’s Day celebration as a couple. Worse, he ditched me to spend time with his new BFF, Brody.

As I lay in bed this morning trying to shake the nightmare, I remembered I hadn’t dreamed it. It had actually happened.

What a great way to celebrate Valentine’s Day.

Pat’s Story

In order to stay awake, I had consumed a lot of caffeine. It took me a long time to fall asleep Saturday night. As a result, I ended up sleeping in and missing my morning run with my brother. I had just enough time to take a quick shower before grabbing a protein bar and heading to the lecture hall in the math building.

Larry and Sarah were already sitting near the windows. Even though I was exhausted, I was glad to have the company. However, when I sat beside Larry, he and Sarah gathered their books and moved to the opposite side of the room. I spent most of the next three hours staring at the same page in my Latin book, trying to figure out why they were mad at me.

I could not wait for lunch. I was starving. But more than that, I missed Melinda. Maybe we could go out for ice cream to settle both our bets. I would explain what happened to Brody there.

As soon as I entered the dining hall, I grabbed a tray and loaded it with nearly as much food as my brother usually piled on. I headed to our regular lunch table, where I found Walter sitting alone.

He glared at me as I placed my tray on the table. “You can’t sit here.”

I sat anyway. “Why not? What’d I do?”

“You’re being a total podex.”

I raised my eyebrows at the Latin insult. “How do you even know that word?”

He shrugged, a hint of a smile on his face. “No idea. I’m guessing I didn’t use it correctly?”

“Oh, you did. I’m tempted to kick your podex. Or you can tell me what’s going on.”

Walter glared at me. “Melinda was nearly in tears when we went to church this morning. She said she would talk to you herself, but I can’t just be quiet about it.”

I could hear the dangerous tone in his voice. He was mad enough to hit something. Or someone. But I still didn’t know what I had done wrong.

I shook my head. “Walter, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You completely ditched her last night.”

Melinda was right. My brother shouldn’t be getting involved. I sighed. “I told her where I was. I tried to call her to explain, but she wouldn’t answer.”

“What could possibly be more important than the dance?”

I swore. “I forgot about the dance. I had to take Brody to the emergency room. Some guys beat him to a pulp. I stayed with him until his parents could get back from New York.”

Walter blew out a breath from puffed cheeks. “Okay. That’s a good excuse. But, good luck getting through to Melinda.”

---

After lunch, I tried to think about where I could find my girlfriend. She was angry with me. That meant she was probably dancing, either in the VAPAC or the TRAC studio.

Since I still needed to return my car to the TRAC parking lot, I figured I would search there first. I found her dancing slowly to songs I vaguely recognized. She didn’t hear me enter the room, so I snuck over to the corner near her bag.

The last time I saw Melinda do ballet, I was so extremely attracted to her that I lost control when kissing her. That was the day we had broken up. I knew watching her was dangerous, but I just couldn’t help it. She was so graceful and beautiful. I wasn’t sure what I found more alluring: the fact that she was dancing with her eyes closed or the fact that she was don’t doing any choreographed routine.

It took her a long time to notice me. Eventually, I recognized the songs as belonging to the Nutcracker and I got the impression she danced through the entire ballet. The longer I watched, the more control I felt. Focusing on her movements, not just her body, and I felt more than attraction. I felt love.

When the suite ended, she opened her eyes and turned toward me. The instant she caught sight of me, she sent me the most adorable look. It was a mixture of confusion, concern, and annoyance.

She pursed her lips. “What are you doing here?”

“It has been brought to my attention that I have been a pretty lousy boyfriend. So, I came to apologize.”

She glared at me. “You stood me up.”

“It was an emergency. Please let me explain?”

She pulled something out of her hair, allowing it to tumble onto her shoulders as she sat beside me. She removed her shoes, but I knew she hadn’t completely forgiven me yet.

I tried to explain what had happened. “Brody called me last night that he was in trouble and needed a ride. There was something in his voice. I knew I had to go get him. I swear, I was going to drop him at his house and come get ready for the dance.”

She frowned. “So, why didn’t you? What was so important that you chose him over me?”

“He had been in a fight.”

I couldn’t help but get angry. Suddenly, I was mad at the guys that had attacked Brody. But I was also angry that Melinda was being so unfair. She wasn’t even trying to understand that I might have had a good reason for not being around last night.

I could see Melinda struggling to speak. I had obviously surprised her. Eventually, she found her voice. “I can’t picture Brody being in a fight.”

I shrugged. “Well, it was more like two other guys pounded on him. For no reason other than because he’s bi. One of them was the guy they picked up for DMH. The other was the guy he was driving with.”

“Is he okay?”

When I shook my head, Melinda leaned against me. I held her close and ran my fingers through her hair. “He was pretty beat up. I took him to the urgent care center. But it was all the way over in Ashton. And it was insanely busy. We were there until almost midnight.”

“Why you, though? Shouldn’t his parents have been there?”

I sighed. “They were in New York overnight. He called them and they came home, but I thought I should stay with him until they got there.”

Melinda ran a hand along my arm. “You’re a good friend.”

“So are you still mad at me?”

Melinda sighed. “I’m not mad. I don’t exactly know what I am. I’m hurt. I was really looking forward to last night. And you got so caught up with Brody, you completely forgot about me.”

“I sent you a text.”

Melinda pulled away to look at me. “Only after I texted you. How long were you sitting in that waiting room before then?”

I didn’t have an answer. She was right. I probably should have called her as soon as I hung up with Mrs. Lindgren.

Melinda continued. “That’s what hurts the most. Not that you ditched me to help a friend. I’m proud of you for that. But I’m hurt that it was so easy for you to just suddenly forget about me.”

That broke my heart. I pulled her close and held her tight. “Sweetheart, I could never forget about you. I spent most of the night thinking about how I wished I was sitting with you instead of the old guy hacking up a lung beside me.”

“But you forgot about the dance.”

I nodded. “I did. I forgot about the dance.”

“If you had told me where you were, I probably would have understood.”

That was an unfair accusation. “I tried to call you. You didn’t answer.”

“I was too angry. I was in no mood to talk to you.”

Well, that logic made no sense. I gently pushed her away so I could see her better. “How was I supposed to tell you what was going on if you won’t answer the phone?”

“You could have texted me.”

“You could have answered the phone.”

Melinda surged to her feet, staring icy daggers at me. “You want me to say it? I will. I’m jealous of you and Brody. And here I am, waiting for you at the dance and you text me that you were with him. Something came up and you’re not coming. Again. The last time that happened, you were helping Brody with his car. You didn’t give me any more information. What am I supposed to think?”

How was I supposed to give her any information when she didn’t give me a chance? I could feel my blood boiling as I stood. “What did you want me to do? Send you pictures of Brody’s face covered in blood?”

“I wanted you to tell me what was going on!”

“Which is what I was trying to do when I called you! But you ignored me.”

“So why didn’t you text me?”

This conversation was going in circles. I threw my arms in the air in frustration. “I forgot about the dance. I figured you didn’t answer because you were, I don’t know. Doing something else.”

“What exactly would I be doing on a Saturday night if I wasn’t spending time with you? Even if there was no dance. Talking sports with Walter and Erica? Watching a movie with Sarah and Larry? Or sitting all alone in my room, crying because my boyfriend decided he would rather spend his night with his new best friend instead of celebrating Valentine’s Day with me?”

She didn’t give me a chance to explain. Grabbing her bag and clothes, she stormed out of the room. She was still in her leotard and tights. I knew she couldn’t go far. I glanced out the window to see her heading into the locker room.

She had forgotten the key to the studio. After locking the door, I returned the key to the athletic office and followed Melinda to the locker room.

I was tempted to go inside and continue our fight. But it wasn’t worth possibly getting put on restriction for. I settled for waiting for her in the hallway.

As I paced in front of one of the trophy cases, I tried to understand why she was so mad. She had no right to get so angry with me. I was trying to help an injured friend. I had done the right thing. So, I forgot about a stupid dance.

But the dance had been important to her. It was supposed to be our first Valentine’s Day together. And I had ruined it for her. I understood why she was angry.

But she should have given me the chance to explain. How could I tell her what was going on if she wouldn’t give me the opportunity to do so?

When I had walked off most of the anger, I settled myself on the floor. A moment later, Melinda emerged from the locker room.

She sat beside me, sending me the most adorable, apologetic look. “I’m sorry.”

How could I stay mad? I pulled her close. “For what?”

She sighed. “For yelling at you. For getting so upset. I don’t really know. I didn’t handle this well.”

“It was a messed-up situation. I’d say we both made mistakes.”

Melinda craned her neck, sending me the most adorable smile. “I’ll forgive you if you forgive me.”

I already had. I showed her with a kiss. My heart started racing, and I was filled with an overwhelming love for her. And I knew everything was right between us again.

Melinda’s Story

I closed my eyes as tightly as possible to block out the light streaming through my window early Sunday morning. I squeezed until my head hurt, even burying my head under my pillow, but my efforts were in vain. Reluctantly, I admitted to myself that there was no way I was going to be able to go back to sleep.

I opened my eyes and stared at my purple flannel sheets, trying to blink away my confusion. My head hurt and I was pretty sure I had cried myself to sleep. I tried to remember why, and all the pain from last night came rushing back.

I unearthed my head and glanced at the bed on the other side of the room. Sarah was sleeping peacefully. I had never even heard her come in during the night. As much as I wanted to hear whether she had enjoyed the dance, just the thought of it made my heart hurt. I would rather postpone the conversation as much as possible. I could do that by not being around when Sarah woke up.

Quietly, I crawled out of bed and changed into my church clothes. After packing my backpack, I headed to the dining hall. The campus was eerily quiet that early on a Sunday morning. I didn’t mind. The solitude fit my mood. I met no one on the path as I headed to the common room, curling up in front of the cold fireplace with my journal while I waited for the dining hall to open.

As soon as I thought the servery might be open, I put away my journal and went in search of food. There were a handful of students in the senior section. I had seen them every Sunday morning since my first week of classes. I knew they attended morning services at a different church in the center of town. Most of them I only knew by sight, although I saw a few of Pat’s friends among them. James, Bethany, Will. I forced a smile as I waved at them, relieved they didn’t invite me to join them.

I didn’t linger in the servery, electing for premade French toast instead of waiting for a waffle or egg. After filling a glass with juice, I headed to my regular table. Sitting with my back to the room, I buried myself in my book to avoid interacting with anyone.

It didn’t work, however. I should have sat at a different table. I wasn’t there long before Walter sat beside me with an over-flowing tray.

“Hey. What happened to you last night? You never made it to the dance.”

I didn’t respond. I simply unlocked my phone and showed Walter the last text I had received from Pat.

Walter put down his fork. “He stood you up?”

“He didn’t tell you? On your run this morning?”

“He didn’t show up for our run. Do I have time to go pound him before Mass?”

I shook my head. “He’s in detention.”

Walter swore. “Fine. I’ll kill him at lunch.”

I pushed my plate toward Walter. “I’m not really hungry. You can have this.”

“I think I’ve lost my appetite.”

Walter wasn’t kidding. For as long as I had known him, Walter had always eaten at least two, sometimes three, entrees at every meal. For him to lose his appetite, he must be pretty upset.

I sighed. “Walter, this isn’t your fight.”

“He stood you up. I don’t like him treating you like that.”

“I know. But this is between me and him. Please let me talk to him first.”

---

After Mass, I stood just outside the rectory while I waited for Deacon John to finish greeting the parishioners. I had spent most of the service brooding about last night. I was no longer angry at Pat, just disappointed. I knew I needed to forget about everything for the next hour, but I couldn’t get myself to focus on anything else. He had stood me up in favor of Brody. How was I supposed to get over that?

“Good morning, Melinda.”

Deacon John’s voice made me jump. I smiled in greeting as he unlocked the building and led me to his office.

“So, how did things go this week?”

I shrugged. “I emailed you my homework.”

“Yes, and I must say, your answers show a lot more thought and consideration than those of your peers. Was there anything about the topic this week you wanted to discuss before I ask you my questions?”

I shrugged again, not meeting the deacon’s eyes.

“I get the feeling something’s bothering you.”

“It isn’t the homework.”

“Melinda, we can talk about anything here.” He sent me a compassionate look, not unlike my mother when something was bothering me.

I sighed. “It’s just, I have this friend.”

“Why is it always a friend?”

I glanced at him. “Huh?”

The deacon shook his head with a smile. “Nothing. Go on.”

“Well, my friend met my boyfriend last week and they get along great. But now they’re spending a lot of time together and I’m jealous. And I know we talked about what the Bible says about it, but I can’t really remember what we said. And I really don’t like being jealous. But I don’t know what to do about it.”

Deacon John nodded. “Well, let’s look at it from a different perspective. Are you worried about a romance between your friend and your boyfriend?”

I could feel the corners of my mouth turn up. “Pat would never cheat on me. And I don’t think Brody likes Pat like that, but even if he did, I know Pat would never like him back that way.”

“Has it occurred to you that God put these people in your life for a reason? Perhaps he used you as a vehicle for these two people to becoming friends.”

I frowned. “I never thought about it like that before.”

“My suggestion is that you pray about it. Ask for God’s help to stop being jealous and maybe he will let you see a little of his plan.”

I nodded. “I guess I can try that.” I wasn’t sure if it would work, but I figured it couldn’t hurt.

Deacon John nodded. “Good. Now, I was curious about something you wrote on your homework this week.”

---

After my session with the deacon, I went back to the church to say a quick prayer, as he had suggested. I wasn’t surprised to receive no answer in return. I never did.

On my way back to campus, I received a text from Brody that he couldn’t dance with me today. I quickly replied that I understood and we could get together another time.

But, as I entered the dining hall, I realized I was relieved. As much as I enjoyed dancing with Brody, I was still frustrated about last night. Pat may have ditched me, but Brody had been involved, too.

I made a quick peanut butter and jelly sandwich to eat on my way back to the dorm. I still didn’t have much of an appetite. My room was empty, since Sarah was still in detention. I was glad. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. I needed a workout to sort through my emotions.

I quickly changed into a leotard, throwing my jeans and sweater back on before heading toward the TRAC. After getting the studio key from the athletic office, I strapped my tap shoes to my feet, connected my phone to the sound system, and blasted the music loud enough to drown out my thoughts. I wanted to forget about everything and just dance for a couple of hours.

I slowly performed the barre warm-ups my teacher had taught me last term, stretching each muscle just a little more than usual. When I was nice and limber, I closed my eyes and danced away all my frustrations. I cleared my mind, forgetting about everything that was bothering me and just let the music direct my feet. One song transitioned into another, and I danced unceasingly for nearly an hour.

When my playlist ended, I was only feeling marginally better. I had worked past the anger and frustration, but I was still annoyed with Pat and, to a lesser extent, Brody. After a quick water break, which included a trip to the nearest fountain to refill my canteen, I switched to my ballet shoes and playlist.

Although I was already limber, I enjoyed stretching at the barre before moving onto the floor. As I listened to some of my favorite songs, I again closed my eyes and let the music control me. I tried to remember watching the company dancers perform their Nutcracker performance last term. Although they had been dancing en pointe and I wasn’t, I still tried to mimic their movements.

As the music flowed through me, I finally released the last of my frustration. An hour later, when the Final Waltz ended, I reached the conclusion that I might be ready to talk to Pat.

Panting, I opened my eyes, surprised to see him sitting in the corner by my bag. Had I willed him there with my thoughts?

I sent him a curious look as I made my way to him. “What are you doing here?”

“It has been brought to my attention that I have been a pretty lousy boyfriend. So, I came to apologize.”

That was an understatement. I couldn’t quite keep the ice out of my reply. “You stood me up.”

“It was an emergency. Please let me explain?”

“Go ahead. I’m listening.” I removed my hair tie as I sat beside him and removed my shoes.

“Brody called me last night that he was in trouble and needed a ride. There was something in his voice. I knew I had to go get him. I swear, I was going to drop him at his house and come get ready for the dance.”

“So, why didn’t you? What was so important that you chose him over me?”

Pat kept his voice low. “He had been in a fight.”

I stared at Pat. It took a few moments to find words. “I can’t picture Brody being in a fight.”

“Well, it was more like two other guys pounded on him. For no reason other than because he’s bi. One of them was the guy they picked up for DMH. The other was the guy he was driving with.”

“Is he okay?”

When Pat shook his head, I leaned into him. He played with my hair. “He was pretty beat up. I took him to the urgent care center. But it was all the way over in Ashton. And it was insanely busy. We were there until almost midnight.”

I frowned. “Why you, though? Shouldn’t his parents have been there?”

“They were in New York overnight. He called them and they came home, but I thought I should stay with him until they got there.”

“You’re a good friend.”

Pat sent me a hesitant look. “So, are you still mad at me?”

I sighed. “I’m not mad. I don’t exactly know what I am. I’m hurt. I was really looking forward to last night. And you got so caught up with Brody, you completely forgot about me.”

“I sent you a text.”

“Only after I texted you.” The anger I thought was gone came rushing back. I sat up to better look Pat in the eye. “How long were you sitting in that waiting room before then?”

Pat squirmed uncomfortably.

I glared at him. “That’s what hurts the most. Not that you ditched me to help a friend. I’m proud of you for that. But I’m hurt that it was so easy for you to just suddenly forget about me.”

Pat pulled me back to him. “Sweetheart, I could never forget about you. I spent most of the night thinking about how I wished I was sitting with you instead of the old guy hacking up a lung beside me.”

“But you forgot about the dance.”

Pat nodded. “I did. I forgot about the dance.”

“If you had told me where you were, I probably would have understood.”

“I tried to call you. You didn’t answer.”

“I was too angry. I was in no mood to talk to you.”

Pat sat up. “How was I supposed to tell you what was going on if you won’t answer the phone?”

“You could have texted me.”

“You could have answered the phone.”

I could hear the accusation in Pat’s tone. That irritated me. He had no right to be angry. He was the one who had hurt me.

I needed some distance. I got to my feet. “You want me to say it? I will. I’m jealous of you and Brody. And here I am, waiting for you at the dance and you text me that you were with him. Something came up and you’re not coming. Again. The last time that happened, you were helping Brody with his car. You didn’t give me any more information. What am I supposed to think?”

When Pat stood, I could see the anger in his eyes. “What did you want me to do? Send you pictures of Brody’s face covered in blood?”

“I wanted you to tell me what was going on!”

“Which is what I was trying to do when I called you! But you ignored me.”

“So why didn’t you text me?”

Path threw his arms in the air in frustration. “I forgot about the dance. I figured you didn’t answer because you were, I don’t know. Doing something else.”

“What exactly would I be doing on a Saturday night if I wasn’t spending time with you? Even if there was no dance? Talking sports with Walter and Erica? Watching a movie with Sarah and Larry? Or sitting all alone in my room, crying because my boyfriend decided he would rather spend his night with his new best friend instead of celebrating Valentine’s Day with me?”

I couldn’t be near Pat anymore. I grabbed my things and stormed out of the room. In my socked feet, I ran all the way down the hall to the locker room. It was the one place I knew Pat couldn’t follow me.

Throwing my things on a bench, I sat on the cold floor with my back against the metal lockers. I buried my head in my knees, but the tears wouldn’t come. I was angry and hurt, but the longer I thought about it, the more I realized I was angry with myself.

If I were Pat, I probably would have done the same thing. I would have brought Brody to the medical center. Would I have remembered to text Pat? Probably. I never would have forgotten about the dance, though.

But what about that night I broke my foot? I had been in my room for quite a while before I remembered to tell Pat I had left the infirmary. The chaos of being in the infirmary had temporarily pushed him out of my mind. Maybe something similar had happened to Pat. Sure, he wasn’t injured. But seeing a friend beat up like that was probably almost as traumatic as a broken bone.

He could have just texted me and told me where he was. Sure, I was glad he told me in person, not through something as impersonal as a text. But he could have called.

He did call. He had tried to explain it to me, and I never really gave him a chance.

With a sigh, I reached up and found my clothes. I took my time getting dressed, wondering where I should begin looking for Pat. I really hoped I wouldn’t have to go to his dorm.

I didn’t. As soon as I left the locker room, I found him sitting on the floor in front of one of the trophy cases.

I sat beside him. “I’m sorry.”

Pat put an arm around me. “For what?”

I sighed. “For yelling at you. For getting so upset. I don’t really know. I didn’t handle this well.”

“It was a messed-up situation. I’d say we both made mistakes.”

I smiled at him. “I’ll forgive you if you forgive me.”

Pat didn’t answer. He simply kissed me. My heart stopped beating as a warmth made its way throughout my entire body. And I knew everything between us was fine again.

Attention Hammerheads

Melinda is always trying to build her vocabulary. What were some words in this episode that were new to you? She will add them to her vocabulary journal.