Melinda’s Journal

Saturday, December 2

I started dancing when I was two years old. One summer, when I was about five, I refused to take off my tap shoes. I tap danced everywhere I went. I even wore them to bed. 

After about a month, my mother invited my dance teacher over for coffee. They went to school together and it was not the first time my teacher had come to my home. Miss Donna had brought over a pair of her own tap shoes. They were the ones she often wore to class, with the leather worn and cracked.

Miss Donna told me how she loved my enthusiasm for dancing. I remember her telling me how she hoped I never lost that passion. Then, she wanted to compare our shoes.

She pointed to hers. The metal taps were dull, not shiny, with some scuff marks. She pointed to mine. They had deep scratches. There were deep pits. They were ruined.

Although I had to stop wearing tap shoes outside of the studio, I have never lost my passion to dance. It has a way of helping me clear my head. 

Melinda’s Story

I stripped down to my dance clothes and made sure I was connected to the wifi. Since the black box was under the concrete stairs between the two art center buildings, it had lousy reception. But, with the wifi I was able to stream some warmup music. I connected my phone to Sarah’s little speaker and sat in the center of the room.

I took my time stretching, closing my eyes and letting the music flow through me. My stretches were so routine, they required little conscious thought. I was able to clear my mind and focus on my body.

When I was nice and limber, I strapped my tap shoes to my feet and performed the exercises my teacher had shown me. But the music wasn’t working for me.

I scanned through the stations until I found one entitled Music You Can Dance To. That was worse. It was the thumping club music that played at MAC dances. I hated it. I tried a few more random stations before finding some pop songs I thought I could work with.

 I stood in the center of the room and closed my eyes. The music flowed through me. My feet moved on their own, racing across the floor, leaping and turning without abandon. I knew these songs well enough to speed up and slow down with the music. I lost track of time, transitioning from one song to the next almost flawlessly. 

My mind was moving nearly as fast as my feet. Walter’s father had said something that reminded me of what I was constantly telling everyone else. My boyfriend wasn’t Patrick McGregor, the movie star. He was Pat Evans, my best friend’s brother and a really great guy who was crazy about me. Ex-girlfriends and kisses on the screen shouldn’t get in the way of all that.

I thought about every time I kissed Pat, the warmth that always filled me until I thought I would burst. After three weeks together, that feeling hadn’t faded. If anything, it grew more intense every time our lips met.

The song ended and my feet stopped. I needed a water break. I opened my eyes, staring at myself in the mirror. I had been thinking about Pat so intensely, his image was behind mine. I turned around. He was real, standing in the doorway, his face expressionless.

Panting, I crossed the room to turn off the blaring music.

“Hey.”

Pat entered the room slowly, pointing at the center of the room. “That was—I saw you dance at your show, but what I just saw? You’re incredible. How long have you been practicing that?”

“Practicing what?”

“That routine you just did.”

I shrugged. “I was just dancing. I have no idea what I just did. I wasn’t paying attention. I was just thinking.”

“That was just—” Pat shook his head. “I knew you could dance, but I had no idea you were that good.”

“Thanks.” I downed my water in a few large gulps. Sitting beside my bag, I gestured for Pat to join me as I changed my shoes and packed my things. He left some distance between us as he sat.

“I was looking for you. I’ve been texting you.”

“How’d you find me?” 

Pat shrugged, twisting his hands nervously in his lap and not meeting my eyes. “I texted Walter who texted Sarah who said you left a note about taking a speaker so you could dance. I figured that meant you were here. I told the guard I was looking for a friend and asked if you had signed into any of the practice rooms. He scanned me in, said there was someone down here. I figured it was you. Are you breaking up with me?” 

I could feel my eyes widening and my jaw fell. “What? Why would you think that?”

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I’m in this hole.” I waved my phone around. “No cell service.”

“I tried to talk to you yesterday. You kept denying my chat requests.”

I sighed. “It’s stupid. I came down here to work it all out and I realized it’s stupid.”

“Tell me about it.” Pat lifted a hand as if he wanted to brush back my hair, but quickly dropped it again. That broke my heart a little. I missed him being close. 

I shrugged. “The other night, we were watching a movie at Sarah’s house and she asked me if I was okay watching a movie where you were kissing another girl. Honestly, if she didn’t say anything, I probably would have been fine, but she said it and it got stuck in my head.”

“You were jealous.” 

I chose to ignore the amusement in Pat’s face. “Yes, I was. But more than that, I was angry with myself for being jealous. And it wasn’t like the thing with Poppy. Because that was me thinking you were cheating on me. This was me thinking about you kissing other girls when you make movies. Not the ones you’ve already kissed, but the next one. On the next movie. Or the one after that.”

Pat moved a little closer but let me keep talking. “And I didn’t know who to talk to about this. I wanted to talk to you, because I knew you’d understand, but I didn’t know how to. I couldn’t tell Sarah because she can’t understand. I didn’t want to burden Walter with this, because I thought it would weird him out, but he made me tell him. Then, he passed me off to Meghan.”

“But you weren’t avoiding me.”

“Oh, no. I was totally avoiding you. Anyway, talking to Meghan helped a little, but then she told your dad.”

“Oh, great. This isn’t embarrassing. My entire family knows I’m having girlfriend trouble. No wonder everyone was so quiet at breakfast.”

“I talked to your dad a little while ago. Because he knows exactly how I’m feeling.”

Pat considered a moment. “I hadn’t thought of that. Did it help?”

“Some. I needed to work things out in my head a little, which is why I came here.”

“And what did you decide?”

“I’m working on worrying less about Poppy. As for your movies? I don’t think I can promise I won’t get jealous if I see you kissing other actresses. But I know what we have together is strong enough to survive that.”

“So, you’re not breaking up with me?”

I shook my head. “Is that why you won’t come near me?”

Pat smiled mischievously. “No, Daphne. I won’t come near you because of your leotard.”

I looked down. “What’s wrong with my leotard? I’m wearing the one that doesn’t show all the sweaty spots.”

“But it shows everything else. And I am very attracted to you at the moment. I’m not sure I have enough self-control to kiss you right now.”

I laughed. “Should I be flattered or concerned?”

“That’s entirely up to you.” Pat stood and extended a hand to help me to my feet. “Would you like to grab supper before the dining hall closes?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” I took his hand and he pulled me to him. When we kissed, I understood what he had meant about not having enough self-control. Our kiss was more intense than it had been on the limo ride home. I pulled him close. I never wanted this feeling to end.

But we couldn’t stay that way forever. When our lips parted, Pat held me close while, our foreheads together while we waited for our heartbeats to return to normal. I thres my jeans and shirt over my leotard and we made our way to the dining hall.

I hadn’t realized how long I had been in the dungeon. There wasn’t enough time to stop by my dorm before the dining hall closed. I would have to shower during study hours.

As we crossed the street, I remembered a conversation between me and Pat when we had been studying for finals. I squeezed his hand.

“Didn’t we decide not to eat dinner together so we could spend time with our friends?”

“We did and that’s a great rule for most nights. But, tonight, I want to spend time with you. I don’t mind sitting with your friends, as long as Frank can join us. I think he has a thing for Dre.”

How would his roommate know my friend? It took me a minute to remember they had been in the same  lifeguard training class last term.

“I thought he liked Meghan.”

“Oh, he does, and I think he’d go out with her in a heartbeat. But, can’t he have more than one crush?”

“I don’t see why not. What about your other friends?”

“So, you know how Zach is one of my best friends and Chloe is one of Meghan’s best friends? Well, Zach and Chloe have become friends, too. Except, I think they’re more than friends and just not telling anybody. So, I kinda invited them both out for pizza, then ditched them at the last minute.”

“You didn’t!”

“Nah. Should have, though. I suggested Chloe invite Zach to join her for dinner in the Senior Section, and he agreed. He’s regaling her–”

“He’s what?” 

“Regaling. Um, he’s entertaining her telling her his endless stories about his term abroad in Spain. They’ll probably miss first study hours.”

I giggled, looking around as we entered the dining hall.

“Where’s Frank? You said he wanted to join us.”

“He’s holed up in the robotics lab again. I texted him. He’ll be here soon.”

I grimaced when I saw the main entrée tonight was turkey with gravy and mashed potatoes. It was just a little too close to Thanksgiving to serve turkey again. I opted for the spaghetti and meatballs, meeting up with Pat at the beverage island before heading to my usual table. It was overcrowded as always.

The tables were designed to seat about eight students. My friends and I had a habit of stealing chairs from adjacent tables until there were nearly twice that many at the table. We weren’t the only ones. Most students did it, and the faculty members who frequently ate in the dining hall had never said anything about it.

We squeezed ourselves in between Walter and my friend Xandra. She smiled as I sat beside her.

“Hi, Melinda! Where’ve you been? You just getting back now?”

I shook my head. “No. I was in the mood for a workout, so I went down to the Black Box to do some dancing. How was your break?”

“Too much food, too much family. How ‘bout you?”

“You know what? I had a lot of fun.”

“That’s because you spent half of it with this guy.”

I turned to see Frank behind me. He placed his tray between Dre and Jade and grabbed a chair from a nearby table. Jade eyed him curiously for a moment before pointing her fork at him. “Um, who are you?”

We all laughed, even though most of my friends had never met him either. Frank smiled as he pointed toward Pat.

“I’m his roommate. Pete Wu. Nice to meet you.” He extended a hand.

“Jade.” She smiled, shaking his hand.

Dre turned to him. “How was your Thanksgiving?” 

“It made me appreciate being here. My parents weren’t thrilled with my grades. They told my grandmother I got a B-plus in Chinese, and she started yelling at me that I should have been studying harder. At least, I think that’s what she was saying. I can’t understand her when she speaks fast.”

Jade giggled and said something in her native Mandarin. She and Frank spoke for a few moments before he shook his head. “Nope,” he said in English. “She wasn’t that nice about it.”

“So, did anyone else’s schedules change this term?” Caroline asked the table.

I nodded. “My art class is only one term. I have a music history class in its place.”

Sarah wiggled a fork in my direction. “Ooh. Me too. I bet we’re in the same class.”

Pat shrugged. “I have math first period now, but that means I get fourth and fifth free every day, except for my physics lab Friday.”

Caroline frowned. “My schedule’s completely screwed up now. I’m in a different English class, although I still have Mrs. Krantz. And I have religion class where my English class used to be.”

“That’s better than mine,” Andy said. “My parents weren’t happy with my math or physics grades, so they decided to put me in regular, not honors. They called Mr. Birkenhead over break. I don’t have any of the same teachers this term.”

“Anyone else on academic probation?” Noah asked.

We all looked at him. “What’s that?”

“I’ll take that as a no. Let’s just say if my grades don’t improve this term, I may not be here next year.”

Larry looked around the table. “So, we have study hours tonight. Any idea what we’re supposed to be studying?”

“I’m gonna review the stuff from my finals,” said Andy.

“I’m gonna clean my closet,” announced Xandra. When everyone stared at her, she shrugged. “What? I made Dean’s List. I have nothing to study and I can’t fit all my clothes into the closet anymore. It’s time to take some out.”

 “I’m going back to the lab,” Frank announced.

Pat sighed. “Frank. You need to stop obsessing.”

“I’m not obsessing. I’ve almost figured it out.”

“Wait,” interrupted Pete Driscoll, Noah’s roommate. “I thought your name was Pete.”

Pat waved a dismissive hand. “It’s a nickname. Just go with it.”

Pete shrugged as Pat continued to convince his roommate to spend some time outside of the robotics laboratory.

I heard a voice behind me. “Hey, Melinda. Hi, Walter.”

I turned to see a slender girl who looked like a girl in her Latin class, except with candy apple red hair. 

I raised my eyebrows. “Zayne?”

“Yeah, it’s me.” She toyed with her hair. “I lost a bet. My brother promised it would wash out, but I think he lied. Anyway, I was wondering if I could study with you guys tonight. I didn’t do so great on my Latin final and I kinda wanted to review it all during study hours tonight. Do you think you could help me?”

I looked at Zayne, then Walter. “Um, I came straight here from the Arts Center. I need to go back to the dorm and shower. I guess I can go to the library, but I’ll be a little late.”

Walter waved a dismissive hand. “Don’t worry about it. I can work with you Zayne, if that’s okay.”

Zayne smiled. “Oh, that’ll be great. Studying with you really helped me pass that last quiz.”

“I’ll meet you upstairs.”

“Okay. Great. See you later!” Zayne headed toward the servery.

“She’s still cute.” Pat whispered it so quietly, only Walter and I could hear.

“Shut up,” Walter muttered under his breath, turning red as he took a long drink of his milk.

I half listened as my friends broke into various conversations. Some discussed their concerns for the upcoming semester, some discussed their antics during the term break. Some couples, such as Sarah and Larry and Jade and Leif held whispered conversations that I couldn’t hear. 

Pat had put an arm around me and was playing with my hair absently as he told Noah about a friend who had been on academic probation and was now on Dean’s List. Walter was trying to discuss sports with Dre’s twin Andy, but I didn’t think he was listening. He kept sending dirty looks toward Frank, who was telling Dre about his current creation in the robotics laboratory.

It had been nearly two weeks since I had seen my friends, but it felt as if no time had passed at all. We had slipped right back into our regular routine. I edged a little closet to Pat. It was good to be home. Good to be home.

Pat’s Story

I knew Melinda was spending the day with her roommate Saturday, but she seemed to be avoiding my texts and video requests. I asked Walter if he had heard from her. He had, so her phone must not be dead. Why was she avoiding me?

By Sunday, I began to worry she might be breaking up with me. My family was all talking when I came down to breakfast, but they grew quiet as I entered the room. Did they know something I didn’t?

I sought her out Sunday afternoon. Walter told me she was on campus. Actually, he texted me that they had been together and he lost her. He was wondering if I had seen her. I had him text her roommate. A little while later he said he thought she was dancing.

I went to the one place I could think of: the Arts Center. A bored-looking guard was playing on his phone.

“Hi,” I said a lot more energetically than I felt. “I’m looking for my friend. I know she wanted to go dancing. Is anyone in any of the practice rooms?”

“You can use the black box. But you need to sign in.” I handed him my card. I didn’t see the point in trying to explain I wasn’t the one interested in dancing. If Melinda wasn’t there, I could just leave.

“You will need to tell the last dancer her time is up. If she gives you any problems, come see me.”

I had a pretty good idea whom he meant. I walked downstairs to the black box, a room with its walls, floor, and ceiling all painted black. I could hear a metallic rhythm moving at a furious pace in time with some music. The song ended as I turned the corner into the corridor. When I reached the door a new one began.

I had seen Melinda dance only once before in her Nutcracker performance. What I watched now was incredible. She moved fluidly across the room, perfectly in time with the music. It was as if it were a part of her. She tapped and turned and leapt and swayed with perfect rhythm, even as the tempo of the song fluctuated.

When the music ended, she stopped and faced the mirror. Only then did I realize her eyes had been closed. She opened them and glanced at me in the mirror.

She was sweaty and out of breath and I had never been more attracted to her. At that moment, all I wanted was to be near her and I knew if I tried to kiss her, I might not have enough self-control to just kiss.

Her eyes met mine in the mirror. I kept my face as blank as possible to hide my emotions.

“Hey,” she panted. Instead of coming to me, she went to the corner where her bag was laying. She pressed a button on her phone and the music stopped blaring.

I had trouble finding the words to express myself, a circumstance that did not happen very often. “That was—I saw you dance at your show, but what I just saw? You’re incredible. How long have you been practicing that?”

“Practicing what?”

“That routine you just did.”

Melinda shrugged. “I was just dancing. I have no idea what I just did. I wasn’t paying attention. I was just thinking.”

I entered the room as Melinda reached for a water bottle. I moved toward her cautiously, wondering why she had been avoiding me. “That was just—I knew you could dance, but I had no idea you were that good.”

“Thanks.” Melinda gulped down some water. She sat on the floor near her bag and gestured for me to join her as she packed away her belongings.

I sat just out of arms reach. “I was looking for you. I’ve been texting you.”

“How’d you find me?”

I couldn’t tell if she was angry that I had found her or just annoyed with my interrupting her dance time. I shrugged, my hands fidgeting nervously in my lap. I avoided her eyes as I explained my sleuthing.

Before she could respond, I blurted out, “Are you breaking up with me?”

The look Melinda gave me was pure bafflement. That was a good sign, right?

“What?” She sounded surprised. “Why would you think that?”

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I’m in this hole. No cell service.” She waved her phone around for emphasis.

“I tried to talk to you yesterday. You kept denying my chat requests.”

Melinda sighed. “It’s stupid. I came down here to work it all out and I realize it’s stupid.”

I wanted to touch her, fix the little hair by her cheek that had come out of its tie. But I was scared to get too close to her. I wasn’t sure I had enough self-control. I put my hand down quickly. 

“Tell me about it.”

“The other night, we were watching a movie at Sarah’s house and she asked me if I was okay watching a movie where you were kissing another girl. Honestly, if she didn’t say anything, I probably would have been fine, but she said it and it got stuck in my head.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “You were jealous.” That was adorable.

“Yes, I was. But more than that, I was angry with myself for being jealous. And it wasn’t like the thing with Poppy. Because that was me thinking you were cheating on me. This was me thinking about you kissing other girls when you make movies. Not the ones you’ve already kissed, but the next one. On the next movie. Or the one after that.”

I inched a little closer in spite of myself as Melinda continued. “And I didn’t know who to talk to about this. I wanted to talk to you, because I knew you’d understand, but I didn’t know how to. I couldn’t tell Sarah because she can’t understand. I didn’t want to burden Walter with this, because I thought it would weird him out, but he made me tell him. Then, he passed me off to Meghan.”

“But you weren’t avoiding me.” There was just a hint of bitterness and anger I couldn’t quite keep out of my voice.

“Oh, no. I was totally avoiding you. Anyway, talking to Meghan helped a little, but then she told your dad.”

“Oh, great. This isn’t embarrassing. My entire family knows I’m having girlfriend trouble. No wonder everyone was so quiet at breakfast.”

“I talked to your dad a little while ago. Because he knows exactly how I’m feeling.”

I considered a moment. Dad had to watch Mom kiss other guys all the time. He probably was the perfect person to give Melinda advice. “I hadn’t thought of that. Did it help?”

“Some. I needed to work things out in my head a little, which is why I came here.”

“And what did you decide?”

“I’m working on worrying less about Poppy. As for your movies? I don’t think I can promise I won’t get jealous if I see you kissing other actresses. But I know what we have together is strong enough to survive that.”

“So, you’re not breaking up with me?” I asked slowly.

Melinda shook her head. “Is that why you won’t come near me?”

I smiled at her. I was glad she had noticed, but I was more heartened by the sadness in her voice. She missed me being close to her. Unfortunately, that just made me want her even more. “No, Daphne. I won’t come near you because of your leotard.”

Melinda looked down. “What’s wrong with my leotard? I’m wearing the one that doesn’t show all the sweaty spots.”

How absolutely adorable! “But it shows everything else. And I am very attracted to you at the moment. I’m not sure I have enough self-control to kiss you right now.”

Melinda laughed. “Should I be flattered or concerned?”

“That’s entirely up to you.” I stood up, reaching down to help her to her feet. “Would you like to grab supper before the dining hall closes?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” She took my hand and I yanked her as close as I could. I kissed her more intensely than I ever had before, letting my hands move slowly along her back before resting them on her head to pull her into an even deeper kiss.

She broke away and for a split second I thought she might have been upset with me. But she merely nestled her head against my chest and I held her as tightly as I dared. I was afraid of crushing her. I wondered if she could hear my heart racing.

We didn’t stay like that long. My stomach grumbled. Giggling, she threw jeans and a shirt over her leotard and we went in search of food.

Along the way, she reminded me of the arrangement we had made last term to eat with our own friends at supper. I explained that two of my friends were eating alone together and I wanted to join her, as long as I could invite my roommate that had a crush on one of her friends.

Tonight’s main entree was turkey with gravy and mashed potatoes. There was even some stuffing. Melinda went off for pasta, but I thought turkey sounded fantastic. We caught up with each other after getting our drinks and I followed her to her usual spot.

There were over a dozen people squeezed around the table. We inserted ourselves in a space between Walter and another girl. She greeted Melinda enthusiastically and asked if Melinda had just returned to campus.

Melinda explained where she had been and they discussed their breaks. When Melinda admitted she had fun, I heard a voice behind me say, “That’s because you spent half of it with this guy.”

My roommate, Frank, smiled as he squeezed himself between the girl he liked and another girl who gave him a puzzled look.

She waved a fork in his direction, speaking with a slight accent. “Um, who are you?” 

Everyone laughed and Frank introduced himself. The conversation turned to everyone’s grades and how their schedules had changed this term. One of them was even on academic probation.

Someone asked what to study that evening and Frank mentioned he was going to spend study hours in the lab.

I sighed. “Frank, you need to stop obsessing.”

“I’m not obsessing. I’ve almost figured it out.”

“Wait,” interrupted one of Melinda’s friends. I couldn’t remember his name. “I thought your name was Pete.”

I shrugged. “It’s a nickname. Just go with it.” I turned back to Frank. “Seriously, man. Your grades are going to start suffering.”

I heard someone behind me talking to Melinda and my brother. It was the girl Walter had been helping study right before finals. I pretended to listen to Frank’s argument while I heard my brother arrange another study date. When she left, I whispered quietly so only Melinda and Walter could hear.

“She’s still cute.”

“Shut up,” Walter said under his breath, turning red as he took a long drink of his milk.

I turned to the kid on academic probation and told him about a friend of mine who had made the Dean’s list this term when she was on academic probation last year.

Around us, people were voicing their concerns for the upcoming semester. Others were sharing some of their antics from the term break. Some were holding whispered conversations.

Without realizing it, I had draped my arm around Melinda’s chair and was playing absently with her hair. She nuzzled closer to me as she talked with the girl beside her about their wardrobes. Everything felt peaceful and right with the world. And, at that moment, I was truly thankful to have such a wonderful school family.

Attention Hammerheads

Melinda is always trying to build her vocabulary. What were some words in this episode that were new to you? She will add them to her vocabulary journal.