Melinda’s Journal

Saturday, December 16

Sarah made me take this ridiculous online love quiz. This was the first question.

When he kisses you . . . a. your heart stops beating normally. b. you think how sweet he is. c. you wonder if you brushed your teeth. d. you wonder when it will be over.

Pat and I have been together for five weeks, and my heart still stops every time I kiss him.

The rest of the test was pretty stupid, with some of the worst quiz questions I’ve ever seen, but it did make me think about my relationship with Pat.

There were questions about our quiet time together, and it made me realize how we’re comfortable just being together even if we’re not talking. Like, when we’re studying together or something.

There were questions about how we interacted with our friends and each other’s friends. Pat has no problem with my friends and has even befriended some of them. I suppose it helps that they’re already Walter’s friends. And his friends? Well, I don’t see them too often, but I’m not really uncomfortable with any of them.

The rest of the questions asked about our time apart and I realized how much I miss him when we are apart. Thanksgiving break was only bearable because we could see each other nearly every day. I don’t know what we would have done if I couldn’t video chat with him every night. I don’t mind so much at school, but I think that’s because we still get to see each other every day.

As stupid as that quiz was, it made me realize something: I AM in love with Pat.

Melinda’s Story

We spent the drive discussing what to order. Barney’s was one of my favorite restaurants, and I liked most of their food. But, ultimately, I went with my original craving of a chicken parmigiana sub and a soda. But Pat’s potato salad sounded good as well, so we decided to share one.

When we got to the restaurant, I stayed in the car while Pat ran inside to place our orders. When he got back to the car, he placed the food in the backseat before climbing back in. I turned to him.

“Aren’t we going to eat this here?”

He shrugged. “Well, I had someplace special in mind.”

“Where?”

“I wanna surprise you.”

My curiosity was piqued, but I didn’t ask more questions. He drove to a small commuter parking lot close to the center of town. There were only two other cars in the area and Pat parked far away from them, along the wooded back edge. It was very picturesque, with the bare trees covered in snow.

Pat switched off the engine and turned to me. “If I promise to be a gentleman, do you think we could eat in the backseat? It’s more comfortable.”

I smirked. “You brought me to a make-out spot, didn’t you?”

Pat turned red. “We can go somewhere else. I just wanted some alone time with you. Now that you have basketball, I never get to see you.”

My crutches were in the trunk, but I didn’t need them. I hobbled into the backseat. Pat did the same on the opposite side of the car. After setting his phone to play some quiet background music, he laid out to food between us.

As I unwrapped my sandwich, I addressed his concern. “It’s not basketball. I’m using my free time to make your Christmas present.”

“Hmm. I hope you like yours. I make it in literally two hours.”

I leaned closer to Pat, but he was so preoccupied with opening the potato salad, he didn’t seem to notice.

“I’m sure I’ll love it, because you made it and I love you.” Before he could respond, I kissed him softly.

Pat put his arms around me, bringing me closer. We stayed like that for a long time. I was filled with warmth. Eventually, he rested his forehead against mine while I waited for my heartbeat to return to normal.

His voice was barely a whisper, although it sounded loud in the quiet car. “It’s not fair. I had it all planned out.”

“Had what planned?”

My rumbling stomach broke the mood. Pat pushed me away, gesturing to my sandwich.

“Eat! Before it gets cold.”

“Had what planned?” I took a bite. “Okay, this was a really good idea.”

Pat smiled. “Well, originally, I was gonna invite you to the ball, then kiss you during a slow song and whisper I love you into your ear. But, you broke your ankle and we couldn’t go. So then, I thought maybe we could cuddle after we ate—that’s why we’re in the backseat—and I would whisper it in your ear. You beat me to it.”

“Well, you get to say it next. Whenever you want and surprise me.”

“See, you say things like that and I want to hold you right now. But you’d end up wearing my meatball sub if I do.”

I smiled. “Then eat your sub. You were gonna tell me about your day. How was the wrestling match?”

“Do you understand wrestling?”

“Only enough to know it’s not like the professional wrestling on tv. And they have those weird uniforms that are kinda like a low-cut shorty leotard, worn backwards.”

Pat laughed, nearly choking on his dinner. “That’s a fitting description. But, they have new uniforms this year that are two pieces, a shirt and shorts, like a bathing suit. But, I meant, did you understand the sport itself?”

“I knew what you meant. That’s all I know.”

Pat shook his head. “Basically, there are three six-minute periods where Walter wrestles with his opponent. He earns points for various moves and whichever person has the most points earns points for the team’s score. Walter was one of three people to pin their opponent, which ends the match and earns the team points. Walter did it in the first period. The other two players, both on the other team, did it in the third period.”

“Awesome. I’ll have to congratulate him tomorrow.”

“He was excited, although he spent a lot of the time obsessing about the dance tonight. Don’t take this the wrong way, but part of me is glad we’re not going.”

I rolled my eyes. “One of my teammates said if she were me, she would take you to the dance, broken ankle and all, to show you off. She made you sound like a puppy.”

“What’d you tell her?”

“I wanted to tell her I would never—Oh! I can’t think of the word. Basically, never treat you like a thing to show off.”

Pat raised his eyebrows. “Objectify?”

“Yes! I wanted to tell her I would never objectify you like that, but I didn’t even want to acknowledge her comment, because I didn’t want to argue with her about why that is just so wrong. Instead, I reminded her I’m a dancer and going to the ball would have been torture.”

Pat reached out to play with my hair. “You’re awesome. That’s why I love you. Can I tell you about my ex-girlfriends? Or would that be too weird?”

I shrugged. “I’ve told you about mine. Besides, I already know about Poppy Sommers.”

Pat shuddered at the mention of his movie-star ex-girlfriend. “You’re still awesome. And adorable. And you have sauce on your face.”

I knew I should use a napkin, but I was so comfortable around Pat, I could skip my manners. I could feel the glob of sauce on the corner of my mouth. I used my finger to wipe it before licking it clean.

Since Pat had grown up watching Walter’s atrocious table manners, I knew he probably wouldn’t be grossed out. I didn’t expect him to burst out laughing. I wasn’t sure I liked it.

I frowned at him. “What?”

“You’ve been hanging around Gourmand too much.”

I smiled. “Nah. It’s a sauce thing. It’s one of my favorite foods. Barney’s sauce is almost as good as my mom’s. Almost.”

“You’ll have to have me over one day so I can see for myself.”

“You were gonna tell me something.”

Pat nodded. “Oh, yeah. Alright. So, I had my first real girlfriend during my third form . . . spring? I think so. I didn’t have many really close friends, so I usually sat with Meghan at meals. Frank was always in the robotics lab. Oh! It was still winter term, because Frank finished his robot in April. Anyway, when I started hanging out with Bianca—”

“Bianca? The same Bianca Frank took to the Victory Ball?”

“Yeah. She was a witch then and still is.”

I pursed my lips. “Nice save.”

“I’m trying to be nice. If you’d ever met her, you’d understand. Anyway, she and I were together for a couple of weeks. She made me join her at every meal. We had to hold hands in public. We were rarely alone together, but she didn’t insist on hand-holding then. Only when other people were around.”

I shook my head. “Gee. I wonder why you broke up.”

“Actually, it was over our conversations. It was either all about her and her day, or she wanted to know what it was like being a movie star or having famous parents. Not sympathetically, like you do.”

“I don’t do that.”

“Yeah, you do. Like, when you asked if my family ever goes out to dinner. You weren’t like, Oh! I bet you always get asked for autographs. That must be so cool! You were like, I bet that ruins your dinner!”

I raised my eyebrows. “I’m pretty sure I just asked if you go.”

Pat shrugged. “It was your tone. Anyway, Bianca asked the first way. And then one day, I heard her telling someone Patrick McGregor’s my boyfriend. So, I broke up with her.”

“Because she wasn’t with you. Makes sense to me.”

“And only you. Then, there was Crazy Poppy. She was the first girl I ever kissed. A real kiss. Not, you know, like for work. Anyway, remember I told you there were a lot of reasons why we broke up?”

I nodded. “You said she wasn’t—how’d you put it? In tune with reality?”

Pat smiled. “That certainly played a part. But, there was a bigger reason. Whenever I kissed her, it felt weird. It was like a screen kiss. Just lips. Nothing special. And then, there was the whole thing with Chloe, and I realized—”

I raised my eyebrows. “What thing with Chloe?”

Pat sighed. “It’s a long story, and I’m not sure how much I should share with you. She came to visit Meghan in the hospital back in, when was it? September? I walked her home afterwards. She lives in the city. Anyway, we got to her apartment, and, well, she kissed me. I think she just wanted to see what would happen.”

“And what did happen?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.

Pat shook his head. “I told her I didn’t like her like that. I felt bad. But she agreed that when she kissed me, she felt nothing. That’s when I realized I was supposed to be feeling something. I just had no idea what that was. Until the first time I kissed you.”

I leaned closer to him, my voice whisper soft. “And your heart stopped?”

“Every time I kiss you.” Pat’s voice was barely audible as his lips met mine. He pulled me close.

We stayed like that for a long time. I ran my fingers through his hair while he traced lazy circles along the small of my back. I was consumed by a warmth that filled me to near bursting and I pulled Pat even closer.

Something about our kiss changed. It became more intense, more desperate. Pat’s hands made their way under my shirt, tracing their way along my spine. It took me a minute to register what was even happening. When I did, I pushed him away, probably a little more forcefully than I needed to.

“Patrick!”

He swore, climbing out of the car. He paced its length a few moments before returning to the driver’s seat. He glanced at me in the rearview mirror.

“I’m sorry.” He sounded miserable.

I sighed. “Will you get back here so we can talk about it?”

He turned around. “You’re not mad at me?”

He was obviously more upset than I was. I tried to keep my tone gentle. “Of course not.”

Pat returned to the backseat, staying close to the door. “But you yelled at me. You called me Patrick. You sounded like my mother.”

“You startled me. And you crossed the line we set.”

Pat stared at the floor. “Sometimes, it’s a little hard for me not to cross that line. Tonight, I slipped.”

I took his hand. “It’s okay. You know why? Because I know it was an accident. Because you stopped when I wanted you to. Because you’re more angry with yourself than I am at you. And because if you ever cross the line again, I won’t sit in the backseat with you.”

Pat smiled, although it did not reach his eyes. “I am truly lucky to have a girlfriend as awesome as you.”

I returned his smile. “Yes, you are. Now, please finish your potato salad so we can go for a drive.”

While we finished eating, we tried to think of places to go. The problem was, Oakville was too sleepy a town. There was no rule that said we had to be driving around while we were on duty. I knew Pat just used it as an excuse for us to be off campus. But neither of us wanted to go back to school, where nearly everyone was still at the dance.

Eventually, Pat stopped for gas, even though the tank was half full. The card reader was broken, and he had to run into the store to pay. When he returned, he had a deck of cards in his hand.

He drove back to where we had parked for dinner, turning to me as he cut the engine. “Okay. We’re gonna go back into the backseat, but that center seat folds down as a console. It’ll be our table. Teach me a new game.”

I removed the jokers before shuffling the deck like a card shark, and dealing us each seven cards. I smiled at Pat.

“Okay. This is called Go Fish.”

“I know that one! Do you have any sevens?”

Melinda’s Journal

Saturday, December 16

When Pat and I first got together, he told me he wanted a chaste relationship, where we would save all the physical stuff for marriage. At the time, I didn’t think it was that big a deal, since our relationship was so new and the physical stuff felt so far away.

But tonight, I realized it isn’t. Pat stepped right up to that line we had set and nearly crossed it. Part of me keeps wonder what would happen if I hadn’t said anything. How far over that line is he willing to go?

And am I ready for that?

Pat’s Story

When we got to the restaurant, Melinda told me her order, and I ran in to buy the food. I didn’t want to say it, but with her crutches, she couldn’t exactly help me. It was easier for her to stay put. After placing the bag and sodas in the backseat, I climbed behind the wheel. Melinda turned to me.

“Aren’t we going to eat this here?”

I shrugged. “Well, I had someplace special in mind.”

“Where?”

“I wanna surprise you.” In fact, I had the entire night planned. I wanted it to be special.

I had talked to a day student in my biology class about a good place I could be alone with Melinda. He had recommended a commuter parking area close to the center of town. Following his suggestion, I parked in the back, near the woods, away from the other two cars in the lot.

I turned off the car and looked at Melinda. “If I promise to be a gentleman, do you think we could eat in the backseat? It’s more comfortable.”

Melinda smiled. “You brought me to a make-out spot, didn’t you?”

She had found me out. She knew me too well. I could feel my face getting hot. “We can go somewhere else. I just wanted some alone time with you. Now that you have basketball, I never get to see you.”

Melinda opened her door and climbed out. Great. She was so mad, she was going to try to walk away. She didn’t even have her crutches. I had tossed those in the trunk.

I opened my door to follow her, but she had already hopped to the back door. She opened it and nearly tumbled inside. It was adorable.

I joined her in the back and found the playlist on my phone I had made for tonight. Some nice romantic music. Then, I passed out the food.

Melinda smiled at me as I set the potato salad between us. “It’s not basketball. I’m using my free time to make your Christmas present.”

“Hmm.” Where were the forks? “I hope you like yours. I made it in literally two hours.”

I found the forks and started unwrapping my sub.

“I’m sure I’ll love it.” Melinda had leaned in to whisper in my ear. I hadn’t seen her coming towards me. “Because you made it and I love you.” Her soft kiss prevented me from responding.

I pulled her close. I wanted to savor every second. My heart was racing so fast, I expected to see it burst out of my chest at any moment.

I never wanted this kiss to end. But when my hands started itching to explore, I knew I had to let go of her. I rested my forehead against hers.

Eventually, I broke the silence with a whisper. “It’s not fair. I had it all planned out.”

“Had what planned?”

When her stomach grumbled, I remembered we were supposed to be eating. And I had nearly pulled her into the potato salad!

I pushed her away gently. “Eat! Before it gets cold.”

“Had what planned?” Melinda bit into her sandwich. “Okay, this was a really good idea.”

I smiled. “Well, originally, I was gonna invite you to the ball, then kiss you during a slow song and whisper I love you into your ear. But, you broke your ankle and we couldn’t go. So then, I thought maybe we could cuddle after we ate—that’s why we’re in the backseat—and I would whisper it in your ear. You beat me to it.”

“Well, you get to say it next. Whenever you want and surprise me.”

She was so adorable. “See, I wanna hold you right now. But you’d end up wearing my meatball sub if I do.”

“Then eat your sub. You were gonna tell me about your day. How was the wrestling match?”

I did my best to explain Walter’s feat, but she is so sports illiterate, I wasn’t sure how much she understood. The conversation turned to the dance, and we were both kind of glad to be skipping it.

Apparently, one of her teammates couldn’t fathom Melinda missing the dance. She thought Melinda should be parading me around the ball like a puppy. The fact that Melinda was horrified at the notion just made me love her even more.

I wanted to hold her so badly. But, I settled for playing with her hair. I needed to explain how much I cared about her. But, in order to do that, I needed to bring up a dangerous subject.

“Can I tell you about my ex-girlfriends? Or would that be too weird?”

Melinda shrugged. “I’ve told you about mine. Besides, I already know about Poppy Sommers.”

Melinda was so different from anyone else I had been with. How could I explain that to her? “You’re still awesome. And adorable. And you have sauce on your face.”

She used her finger to wipe the corner of her mouth, then she licked the sauce from her finger. I burst out laughing. She looked slightly offended.

“What?”

“You’ve been hanging around Gourmand too much.” It was my favorite nickname for my brother.

Melinda smiled. “Nah. It’s a sauce thing. It’s one of my favorite foods. Barney’s sauce is almost as good as my mom’s. Almost.”

“You’ll have to have me over one day so I can see for myself.”

“You were gonna tell me something.”

“Oh, yeah. Alright. So, I had my first real girlfriend during my third form . . . spring? I think so. I didn’t have many really close friends, so I usually sat with Meghan at meals. Frank was always in the robotics lab. Oh! It was still winter term, because Frank finished his robot in April. Anyway, when I started hanging out with Bianca—”

“Bianca? Frank’s date to the Victory Ball?”

“Yeah. She was a witch then and still is.”

Melinda smirked. “Nice save.”

“I’m trying to be nice. If you ever met her, you’d understand. Anyway, she and I were together for a couple of weeks. She made me join her at every meal. We had to hold hands in public. We were rarely alone together, but she didn’t insist on hand holding then. Only when other people were around.”

Melinda shook her head, sarcasm dripping from her response. “Gee. I wonder why you broke up.”

“Actually, it was over our conversations. It was either all about her and her day, or she wanted to know what it was like being a movie star or having famous parents. Not sympathetically, like you do.”

“I don’t do that.”

I smiled. “Yeah, you do. Like, when you asked if my family ever goes out to dinner. You weren’t like, Oh! I bet you always get asked for autographs. That must be so cool! You were like, I bet that ruins your dinner!”

She sent me a skeptical look. “I’m pretty sure I just asked if you go.”

“It was your tone. Anyway, Bianca asked the first way. And then one day, I heard her telling someone Patrick McGregor’s my boyfriend. So, I broke up with her.”

“Because she wasn’t with you. Makes sense to me.”

“And only you. Then, there was Crazy Poppy. She was the first girl I ever kissed. A real kiss. Not, you know, like for work. Anyway, remember I told you there were a lot of reasons why we broke up?”

Melinda nodded. “You said she wasn’t—how’d you put it? In tune with reality?”

“That certainly played a part. But, there was a bigger reason we broke up. Whenever I kissed her, it felt weird. It was like a screen kiss. Just lips. Nothing special. And then, there was the whole thing with Chloe, and I realized—”

“What thing with Chloe?”

Shunk. I hadn’t intended to mention that one. “It’s a long story, and I’m not sure how much I should share with you. She came to visit Meghan in the hospital back in, when was it? September? I walked her home afterwards. She lives in the city. Anyway, we got to her apartment, and, well, she kissed me. I think she just wanted to see what would happen.”

“And what did happen?” There was something in her tone. Was it jealousy?

“I told her I didn’t like her like that. I felt bad. But she agreed that when she kissed me, she felt nothing. That’s when I realized I was supposed to be feeling something. I just had no idea what that was. Until the first time I kissed you.”

“And your heart stopped?” Melinda spoke in a whisper as she leaned closer.

“Every time I kiss you.” Her lips met mine. Her fingers danced slowly through my hair. I ran mine along the small of her back.

When she pulled me closer, I suddenly wanted more. Our kiss became more urgent. My hands couldn’t stay where they were. They started exploring. Her skin was soft and warm under her shirt. I needed more. I had to explore every inch of her. My fingers were halfway up her spine when she pushed me away.

“Patrick!”

I swore as I leaped out of the car. I paced alongside it for a few minutes.

What had just happened? Had I really just let my hands explore? This wasn’t the first time I had wanted more from kissing her. I had lost control before. This time was different, though. This time, I had gone too far.

Melinda had yelled at me. Was she going to break up with me now, or wait until we got back to campus? Tonight was supposed to be special, and I had to go and ruin it.

I sat in the front seat so she would feel safe. I was so ashamed, I couldn’t even look at her. Instead, I tried to catch her eye in the rearview mirror. “I’m sorry.”

“Will you get back here so we can talk about it?”

Melinda’s gentle tone confused me. I swiveled around fast enough to give myself whiplash. “You’re not mad at me?”

“Of course not.”

I returned to my seat, staying close to the door. I didn’t trust myself anymore. “But you yelled at me. You called me Patrick. You sounded like my mother.”

“You startled me. And you crossed the line we set.”

I stared at the floor. “Sometimes, it’s a little hard for me not to cross that line. Tonight, I slipped.”

“It’s okay. You know why? Because I know it was an accident. Because you stopped when I wanted you to. Because you’re more angry with yourself than I am at you. And because if you ever cross the line again, I won’t sit in the backseat with you.”

She was amazing. I tried to smile. “I am truly lucky to have a girlfriend as fantastic as you.”

Melinda smiled. “Yes, you are. Now, please finish your potato salad so we can go for a drive.”

As we finished eating, we tried to figure out what to do next. There was no rule saying we had to be out driving when we were on duty, but neither of us wanted to return to campus, where nearly everyone was still at the dance.

I still had a half a tank of gas, but filling up gave us something to do. Of course, the card reader on the pump was broken, so I had to go inside. My eye caught a display near the register. Smiling, I bought a deck of playing cards for my girlfriend, the card shark.

I drove us back to the lot. “Okay. We’re going to go back into the backseat, but that center seat folds down as a console. It’ll be our table. Teach me a new game.”

When we were settled, Melinda shuffled the deck and dealt us each seven cards. She smiled at me.

“Okay. This is called Go Fish.”

I smiled back. “I know that one! Do you have any sevens?”

Attention Hammerheads

Melinda is always trying to build her vocabulary. What were some words in this episode that were new to you? She will add them to her vocabulary journal.