Melinda’s Story

By the time Walter returned, I had stopped crying. My only thought was whether I was still going to be allowed to spend the night. I turned to Walter as he sat beside me.

“How much trouble am I in?”

He shook his head. “None, although you have to sleep downstairs tonight. I explained to my mother that I sent you up here and you got confused. I think she forgets how big this place is sometimes.”

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I had been holding.

Walter put an arm around me. “What’s going on? Pat is all freaked out about something. Went out for a run.”

“Outside? It’s covered in snow.”

Walter smiled. “We hate the treadmill. We spent half of our Christmas Eve shoveling out the running path around the house. Packed it down.”

“Won’t you slip?”

Walter wiggled his eyebrows. “Nah. I wear my football cleats. Excellent traction. Told Pat to try them. So, what’s going on?”

I rested my head on his shoulder, taking a minute to find the right words. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but—”

Walter squeezed my shoulder. “What happened in the pool?”

“I don’t exactly know. Pat and I were kissing, and then he—I can’t really explain it. Something was just wrong about it.”

I was surprised when Walter took his arm away. Glancing at him, he looked uncomfortable. I shook my head.

“I’m sorry. I knew you wouldn’t want to hear this.”

He shook his head. “It’s not that. It’s just—You know I think of you like a sister, right?”

I nodded. “And this is too weird for you? It’s fine. We don’t have to talk about it.”

“It’s not that. Pat and I were trying to figure out a tiebreaker. When we looked over, Meghan had disappeared, and you were in your own little world.”

“I’m sorry. I forgot about the game!”

Walter waved a dismissive hand. “Not the point. You were dancing and . . .”

Walter was turning red. I couldn’t help giggling. “Why are you all embarrassed?”

“It’s just—” Walter swore. “When you dance, you’re hot.” He looked away.

“Well, yeah. I mean, it’s really warm in that pool, but that just made it easier and—that’s not what you meant.” When Walter started laughing lightly, I covered my eyes with my hand. I thought about his words for a minute before glancing back at him. “So, you’re trying to tell me Pat lost control again? Walter? It was kinda scary. It was like it wasn’t him.”

Walter put his arm around me again. “Now comes the hard part. You need to talk to him about this. And the really hard part? Mom insists that you two can’t be left alone together, so you have to talk to him about this with me in the room. So, let’s go to the game room and you two can talk while I go blow up some aliens.” He started to get up, but I put a hand on his arm.

“Not yet. I have a question for you.”

He sat back down. “I have no idea what to say to him.”

“That’s not my question.” I pointed to the guitar with a smile. “That’s my question.”

Walter followed my finger. “What?”

“I didn’t know you played. Are you any good?”

Walter raised his eyebrows. “You’ve met my dad, right?”

---

“You’re not even trying!” I was getting a little tired of beating Walter in the racing video game I had played the last time I had visited. “I know you hate this game, but you can at least put in some effort.”

“One more time.” Walter sounded anxious. I didn’t think he liked the fact that I had won three games. “I am trying. Believe it or not, you’re actually good at this game.”

I shook my head. “Not uh. I don’t play video games. You’re letting me win.”

“I want in.” Pat fell onto a chair on the opposite side of Walter, remote in hand.

I tried to look at Pat while Walter changed the game settings, but he kept his gaze on the screen. I knew we needed to talk, both about what had happened in the pool and in his room, but I wasn’t sure how to start the conversation. If he wanted to avoid it by playing video games, that was fine by me.

I knew this was one of Pat’s favorite games. He was a lot harder to beat than Walter. But I still passed him just before the finish line.

“Ha! Beat ya!”

Pat pointed at the screen. “No fair! You had that power-up to make you super fast.”

Walter growled between us. “Hey. I’m still half a lap behind you.”

I shook my head. “That’s because you got stuck in that quicksand.”

“Because you pushed me into it!”

I laughed. “One more?”

Walter passed the finish line. “No. I wanna kill aliens. You two go over there and figure out what’s going on. And if Mom asks, I’m watching your every move.”

Walter plopped himself in front of the game console in a way that he clearly could not see the opposite side of the room. With a smile, I crawled over to the black beanbag chairs, leaving my crutches where they were. Pat sat far away from me, a troubled look on his face.

I gestured to a chair beside me. “Please sit with me?”

“I don’t know if I should.”

“I’m sorry about getting you in trouble with your mom. I really did get lost.”

“I know. It’s just . . . seeing you by my bed . . . I thought—”

“Maybe I was there on purpose?”

Pat nodded. “I know it was a stupid assumption. But I wasn’t really thinking clearly to begin with.”

“Can we talk about the pool?”

“No.”

“I talked to Walter and—”

Pat swore loudly enough for Walter to look in our direction. When Pat began pacing, I saw Walter change his position so he could keep a better eye on us.

Pat stopped moving to look at me. “You—” He walked away and back again. “How—” Shaking his head, he made another lap. “Why would you—”

I let him pace for a few more minutes, but he didn’t seem to calm down. I sent him a pointed look. “Walter said I looked hot.”

It was enough to have Pat stop dead in his tracks. He looked from me to his brother and back.

I gestured to the chairs. “Will you sit and talk to me now?”

“I think I need to go kill my brother right now.”

“Sit!” The forcefulness of my tone surprised me. It must have affected Pat as well, since he collapsed into a chair.

“Pat, I love you. But I don’t think I can be in a relationship with you if you keep freaking out like this.”

Pat’s face turned white with shock. “You’re—you think we should—”

“Honestly? I don’t know.”

“I don’t want to break up with you.” Pat inched towards me.

“Then, talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

“I . . . can’t.” Pat looked towards the floor.

I reached out, raising his chin until he was looking into my eyes. “If you can’t talk to me, we can’t fix this. I already know what’s wrong. I just want you to talk to me about it.”

Pat glanced at his brother, who was still killing aliens, although I had seen him occasionally glance in our direction with a look of concern. Pat sighed. “I care about you and I respect you. And, I don’t want our relationship to go further. But, sometimes I wonder about . . . what if it did?”

His words hit me like a brick. Pat and I no longer wanted the same things in our relationship. Even though I loved him, I knew there was no way we could be together if we weren’t on the same page. I could feel the tears forming in the corners of my eyes as I looked into his.

“I just don’t know if I’m ready for such an intense relationship. Your feelings for me are so much stronger than mine for you.” He looked like he wanted to interrupt, but I wasn’t done. I held out a hand. “I care a lot about you. But I need a little space.”

“You need space?”

Blinking back tears, I nodded. “I can’t keep doing this with you. It’s obviously hurting you, probably even more than it’s hurting me.” I reached out to touch him one last time, resting my hand on his cheek. He laid his hand on it.

I took a deep breath, knowing I had to get the words out before I lost my nerve. “I love you, but I think we need to be apart for a while.”

“How long?”

“I don’t know.” My voice cracked. “I guess until we’re ready to be back together.”

Pat leaned in. When our lips met, it reminded me of our first kiss. It was full of love, not passion. My heart stopped, and I was filled with a warmth that extended from my belly to the tips of my fingers and toes.

He rested his forehead against mine, speaking in a whisper. “My heart will always stop when I kiss you.” He kissed my forehead before walking out of the room.

I watched him leave through blurry eyes. Walter was beside me before I could even blink. He held me close, letting me cry into his shoulder until there were no more tears. Eventually, with one final sniffle, I sat up, wiping my eyes with the heel of my hand.

“Sorry. That was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.”

“What happened? I really was trying to give you guys your privacy.”

“We broke up.” The words still stung.

Walter’s head whipped around to look at the door, then back at me. I had to laugh at the look on his face. “You WHAT? But you two are so perfect together!”

I sighed. “I’m not ready to be in such a serious relationship.”

“This is gonna mess everything up now, isn’t it?”

I rested my head on his shoulder, wishing I had the answer.

---

Dinner in the cozy breakfast nook that night was awkward. Although Pat stayed in his room, I was in no mood to be social. As I pushed the baked chicken around my plate, I wondered whether maybe I should have gone home.

What stung the most, however, was entering the guest room when I was finally excused from the table. Sitting in the middle of the bed was the gift-wrapped package I had seen on Pat’s desk. I waited until I was ready for bed before sitting beside it.

There was a Christmas card attached to the present, but there was also a note. Although there was no signature, I recognized Pat’s unusually tidy script. You should still have this.

I could barely see what I was doing,  unwrapping the package with tears in my eyes. It was a diary. On the front cover, Pat had used foam cutouts to make a tree. He had placed apple stickers along the leaves to spell out the word Daphne. Holding it close, I threw myself on the pillow and cried myself to sleep.

Pat’s Story

A cold shower, a fight with my mother, and a half hour run in sub-freezing temperatures had mostly cleared my head. I was ready to apologize to Melinda.

I found her playing my favorite video game. As I stood in the doorway, I watched her beat Walter.

“I know you hate this game, but you can at least put in some effort.” She sounded okay. Not mad or angry or sad. That was a good sign.

Walter hated losing. He was nearly whining. “One more time. I am trying. Believe it or not, you’re actually good at this game.”

Melinda shook her head. “I can’t be. I don’t play video games.”

Maybe I could play a round or two with them, just to make sure Melinda wasn’t too upset with me. Picking up a remote, I pulled a bean bag chair beside Walter. I wasn’t ready to be near Melinda. I wasn’t sure I could trust myself yet. I didn’t even look in her direction.

It actually took a lot of effort to beat her. Walter was right. She was good at this game. As we yelled at the television, the tension between us seemed to melt.

Melinda passed me just as I was about to pass the finish line. “Ha! Beat ya!”

“No fair! You had that power-up to make you super fast.”

Walter was moody. “Hey, I’m still half a lap behind you.”

Melinda smiled. “That’s because you got stuck in that quicksand.”

“Because you pushed me into it!”

Melinda laughed. “One more?”

Walter passed the finish line. “No. I wanna kill aliens. You two go over there and figure out what’s going on. And if Mom asks, I’m watching your every move.”

Walter plopped himself in front of the game console in a way that he clearly could not see the opposite side of the room. Melinda was smiling as she made her way to the back of the room without her crutches.

I couldn’t sit near her. I didn’t trust myself. I sat facing her instead. Her voice was soft as she sent me pleading eyes.

“Please sit with me?”

“I don’t know if I should.”

“I’m sorry about getting you in trouble with your mom. I really did get lost.”

I tried to smile, but my heart wasn’t in it. “I know. It’s just . . . seeing you by my bed . . . I thought—”

“Maybe I was there on purpose?”

I nodded. “I know it was a stupid assumption. But I wasn’t really thinking clearly to begin with.”

“Can we talk about the pool?”

“No.”

“I talked to Walter and—”

Swearing, I got to my feet, pacing the room, my mind racing. I kept trying to ask her questions, but I couldn’t seem to get the words out.

“You—” She told my brother what had happened? “How—” How could she tell him? “Why would you—” Why would she think it was okay to tell him something that personal?

Eventually, I stopped sputtering and just kept thinking. Walter was my little brother; I couldn’t talk to him about this. It wasn’t fair that she told him. Now he was going to judge me. Probably decide I was a bad boyfriend for his best friend.

Melinda smiled at me. “Walter said I looked hot.”

WHAT? I stopped moving and stared at her, pretty sure my jaw was on the floor. Did she just say what I thought she said? First, he kissed her and now he said she was hot? I gave him a chance. He told me he didn’t like her that way.

Her voice remained calm. “Will you sit and talk to me now?”

“I think I need to go kill my brother right now.”

“Sit!” Her harshness surprised me and I sat beside her.

“Pat, I love you. But I don’t think I can be in a relationship with you if you keep freaking out like this.”

I felt faint. I thought she was going to be mad at me. Maybe we’d fight for a day or two like we did a couple of weeks ago. But break up? It was just a threat, right? I had to be sure.

“You’re—you think we should—”

“Honestly? I don’t know.”

I moved closer, keeping my voice low. “I don’t want to break up with you.”

“Then, talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

I looked at the floor. I couldn’t tell her what I was feeling. I would scare her away. “I . . . can’t.”

Melinda reached out and put two fingers under my chin. She lifted my head until I was looking directly into her eyes. “If you can’t talk to me, we can’t fix this. I already know what’s wrong. I just want you to talk to me about it.”

I looked at Walter, who was busy killing aliens. He must have said something to her. What was it?

I sighed. I had to be honest with her. “I care about you and I respect you. And, I don’t want our relationship to go further. But, sometimes I wonder about . . . what if it did?”

I saw Melinda’s face fall. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything.

She spoke quietly. I saw tears in the corners of her eyes, but they didn’t fall. “I just don’t know if I’m ready for such an intense relationship. Your feelings for me are so much stronger than mine for you.”

I tried to defend myself, but she held up a hand before I could open my mouth. “I care a lot about you. But I need a little space.”

My heart hurt more than I thought possible. “What does that mean?”

Melinda blinked back tears. “I can’t keep doing this with you. I can see it hurting you, probably even more than it’s hurting me.” She put her hand on my cheek and I held it there. “I love you, but I think we need to be apart for a while.”

“How long?”

“I don’t know.” Melinda’s voice cracked. “I guess until we’re ready to be back together.”

I kissed her softly. It reminded me of the night she said she would be my girlfriend. It was full of love and I didn’t lose control. My heart raced uncontrollably.

I rested my forehead against hers. My eyes were hot as I whispered to her.

“My heart will always stop when I kiss you.” I kissed her forehead and left the room.

I stood in the hallway a moment, trying to figure out what had just happened. I realized I had no clue and needed help sorting it out. I marched myself to Meghan’s room. She was lying on her bed talking on her phone. I thought I heard a guy. Was it the mystery boyfriend?

She glanced at me when I walked in. I don’t know what she saw, but something on my face had her saying, “Kyle? I gotta go,” and ending the call. She turned to me. “What happened?”

I sat beside her on the bed. “Melinda just—she says we need to be apart for a while. How long do these things typically last? Like a few days?”

Meghan frowned about four different ways before she spoke. “She broke up with you.”

“She needed some space. Until we’re ready to be back together. Any idea how long that might take?”

“She broke up with you. It’s over.”

I shook my head. “It can’t be over. We love each other.”

“I know you do. Tell me what happened.”

“I . . . can’t. It’s too weird.”

“What was mom shouting about when I came upstairs?”

“Melinda was in my room. Mom thought we were gonna—”

“If Mom hadn’t have found you, what would have happened?”

I couldn’t help it. I thought about what I wished would have happened. Then I shook the idea out of my head. “Nothing.”

“That wasn’t very convincing.”

“She got lost. She was looking for Walter. When she saw me, she freaked out. But, for a split second, I thought maybe she was breaking the rules so something could happen.”

“When I was with Jarrod, kissing him wasn’t enough. The first time I let him under my shirt—”

“Ew. No! Don’t go there!”

Meghan hit my shoulder. “Stop being a baby. I was going to say it made me realize I wanted more. And everything we did, I wanted more. And when I wasn’t with him, I wanted to be as close to him as possible.”

“That’s how I feel about Melinda. Did you figure out a way around it? A way to, you know, not want more?”

“Yeah.” I heard the bitterness in her voice and knew what she was going to say before she even said it. “I saw him kissing another girl. Didn’t want him after that.”

I smiled weakly and Meghan ruffled my hair. She hadn’t done that in a long time. “Do you think—Is it over or do you think she and I still have a chance?”

 Meghan was quiet for a while. I thought she was avoiding the question. I was thinking about leaving when she finally spoke up. “If you two are really meant to be together, I think you’ll find your way back there. But I don’t think you can go looking for it.”

When I went back to my room, I found Melinda’s diary on my desk. The one I had made for her. What was I supposed to do with it now? Throw it away? I sat on my bed and stared at it for a long while. One thought kept popping into my mind. I wanted her to have it.

I found a piece of paper and scribbled a quick note. Wanting to avoid Mom in the kitchen, I cut through the pool deck and into the library. I knocked lightly on her door and, when there was no answer, I put the package on her bed. As I shut the door behind me, Mom was coming down the hallway.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

I didn’t have the energy to fight. “She’s not even in there. I was just leaving something for her.” I squeezed past my mother and went up to my room.

Attention Hammerheads

Melinda is always trying to build her vocabulary. What were some words in this episode that were new to you? She will add them to her vocabulary journal.