Melinda’s Story

Saturday morning, I sent Pat a text asking if we could meet during our free fourth period. Even though we would both be coming from physics, I suggested we meet in the VAPAC practice rooms. I wanted to talk to him and we would have much more privacy there.

I didn’t tell Sarah where I was going. Even though I had told her the rumors about Pat and Bethany weren’t true, I wasn’t sure she believed me. I didn’t want her to try to talk me out of this meeting.

I went to the box office and reserved a practice room, texting the number to Pat while I was in the elevator. He was waiting by the door when I reached the fourth floor. I used my keycard, and he followed me inside. Pat fingered the mixing board lovingly before smiling at me.

“Do you realize, I’ve been here three years, and this is my first time in a practice room?”

I put my back to the wall, sliding down to the floor. Pat mirrored my actions. I took a deep breath.

“So, I was talking to Walter last night. He told me the rumor I heard wasn’t true.”

Pat’s eyes brightened. “You know what I realized last night? I haven’t heard any rumors about me.”

“Really? You want the list?”

Pat shook his head. “No. See, I keep hearing rumors about Patrick McGregor. But, he’s not a student here. He was visiting the first week back from break. Then Bethany told me I had to stop acting and just be myself. That’s why she came to visit me, by the way. And before any other crazy rumors start, she kissed me on the cheek in a completely non-romantic way.”

I studied Pat carefully. “You’re feeling better.”

“I am. Last night, I had an awkward conversation with Walter.”

I giggled. “Me too.”

Pat smiled at me. “When he left, I decided I had to stop hiding in my room. So, I sat in the common room with Hazel and kinda just ignored everyone else. But I feel like everyone stopped whispering about me.” Pat shrugged. “Or maybe everyone still is, but I don’t care anymore.”

I had stopped smiling, but Pat didn’t seem to notice. I took a deep breath to make sure my voice stayed steady. “Walter said—I didn’t think you had another girlfriend.”

“I don’t.”

“So Hazel is—”

“My uncle’s guitar. The one he used to write the song. Hazel. He gave it to me last week and I’ve been experimenting with it.” Pat looked into my eyes. “I haven’t given up on us yet.”

I sent him a weak smile. I hadn’t given up either, but I hadn’t asked him here to talk about his guitar. “So, during my awkward conversation with your brother, I told him that when you . . . lost control . . . I sort of liked how it felt.”

I had tried to keep my tone light so Pat wouldn’t get mad at me. But, it must not have worked. He stared at me for a moment before getting up and pacing the small room. He could only go a few steps before having to turn around. I couldn’t help wondering if he would accidentally step on me.

Eventually, he found his voice. “So, I’m a little confused. I thought we broke up because—actually, now I don’t remember why we broke up.”

“Because you wanted more out of our relationship, and I’m not ready for that yet.”

“But you just said you liked it!”

“Yeah. I did. That kiss in the pool—” Just thinking about it filled me with warmth. I shook the memory from my head. “But it scared me. It scared me how easily you could lose control, but also how easily I could. And then you said you were thinking about going further. And, I don’t want to.”

“Why not?” Pat nearly whined as he sat beside me.

“Last night, I told Walter that I was scared that if we started letting the physical stuff into our relationship, then we would lose what we have now. And Walter said I was right. That he had lost it with Zayne because they let things get too physical.”

“They only kissed.”

I didn’t respond, but something must have shown in my face because Pat swore.

“He didn’t tell me.”

“Don’t be hard on him. He probably had a good reason. My point is, I don’t want to lose what we have.”

“What do we have? You broke up with me.”

Without thinking about what I was doing, I leaned over and kissed Pat. His arms instinctively wrapped around me and held me tight. My heart stopped beating properly. I pulled him close, my hands playing with his hair. His hands traveled along my back.

And then it was over. He got to his feet, looking down at me as he paced the room again. “What did you do that for?”

“I still love you. I’m not ready to let you go. I’m just not ready to be with you yet. I’m still trying to figure it out.”

Pat continued to pace for a moment. Eventually, he sat down across from me again.

“That book I borrowed from Father Aidan? You should read it. Bethany took a picture of the cover. Have her send you the image and you can ask to borrow it when you go to the church.”

“Why does Bethany have a picture? Was she posting it on social media? This is what Pat’s reading?”

Pat laughed. “I love you. I said the same thing, and she called me paranoid. No. She just wanted to read it. She and Will have been together for like two and a half years and they don’t believe in a physical relationship either. They’re my role models right now.”

“Pat? Can you promise me something? If you and I—if things don’t work out—can you promise you’ll tell me if you get a new girlfriend? I don’t want to hear it from someone else.”

In a flash, Pat was beside me, holding me close. He didn’t seem to mind my tears dampening his shirt as he spoke into my hair. “I promise if you promise. But I’m not ready to give up on us quite yet.”

Pat’s Story

I was heading to the shower after my Saturday morning workout when Melinda texted me. She wanted to meet during our free period before my form meeting. Or was it a Reflections day? I would have to ask around during my morning classes.

I spent my shower wondering what she could want. Walter hadn’t said anything this morning about their talk last night. Then again, Walter had run a few extra laps this morning, so something might have still been bothering him. I made a mental note to check in with him before his wrestling meet.

I agreed to meet Melinda, and she suggested the music practice rooms. That seemed weird. Was she going to practice her flute while we talked?

I was halfway to the fourth floor when she texted me the room number. I waited for her to arrive to unlock the door. She sent me a small smile as she gestured me inside.

The small room amazed me. It had a full mixing board and some decent recording equipment. It wasn’t as good as Dad’s studio at home, but it wasn’t bad. I traced my hand over the keys.

“Do you realize, I’ve been here three years, and this is my first time in a practice room?”

Melinda stood against one wall and slid down it until she was sitting on the floor. I mirrored her move on the opposite wall, though not nearly as gracefully.

She didn’t want to talk about the room. “I was talking to Walter last night. He told me the rumor I heard wasn’t true.”

Oh. We were talking about me? Great. I was hoping to share the revelation that had come to me while I was studying.

“You know what I realized last night? I haven’t heard any rumors about me.”

Melinda almost looked amused. “Really? You want the list?”

I shook my head and explained my rationale. “No. See, I keep hearing rumors about Patrick McGregor. But, he’s not a student here. He was visiting the first week back from break. Then Bethany told me I had to stop acting and just be myself. That’s why she came to visit me, by the way. And before any other crazy rumors start, she kissed me on the cheek in a completely non-romantic way.”

Melinda studied me carefully. “You’re feeling better.”

“I am. Last night, I had an awkward conversation with Walter.”

Melinda giggled. “Me too.”

I smiled at her. “When he left, I decided I had to stop hiding in my room. So, I sat in the common room with Hazel and kind of just ignored everyone else. But, I feel like everyone stopped whispering about me. Or maybe everyone still is, but I don’t care anymore.”

“Walter said—I didn’t think you had another girlfriend.” Her voice was shaky. I looked at her carefully. I had hurt her again. What did I say?

“I don’t.”

“So Hazel is—” That’s what was bothering her?

“My uncle’s guitar. The one he used to write the song. Hazel. He gave it to me last week and I’ve been experimenting with it.” I looked in deep into Melinda’s eyes. “I haven’t given up on us yet.”

She smiled weakly. “So, during my awkward conversation with your brother, I told him that when you . . . lost control . . . I sort of liked how it felt.”

What did she just say? I stood up to pace. I must have heard her wrong. She liked it? I thought we broke up because she was uncomfortable. I stopped pacing to look at her.

“So, I’m a little confused. I thought we broke up because—actually, now I don’t remember why we broke up.”

“Because you wanted more out of our relationship, and I’m not ready for that yet.”

I gestured frantically, as if her words were behind me. “But you just said you liked it!”

“Yeah. I did. That kiss in the pool . . . but it scared me. It scared me how easily you could lose control, but also how easily I could. And then you said you were thinking about going further. And, I don’t want to.”

I sat beside her. “Why not?” I knew I sounded like a moody toddler, but I didn’t care at that moment.

“Last night, I told Walter that I was scared that if we started letting the physical stuff into our relationship, then we would lose what we have now. And Walter said I was right. That he had lost it with Zayne because they let things get too physical.”

“They only kissed.”

Melinda didn’t say a word. She didn’t have to. It was written all over her face. He had told her something he hadn’t shared with me. No wonder he almost got written up.

I swore. “He didn’t tell me.”

“Don’t be hard on him. He probably had a good reason.”

Yeah, and I was planning on pounding it out of him that evening.

Melinda continued. “My point is—I don’t want to lose what we have.”

“What do we have? You broke up with me.”

I saw her leaning towards me, but I was in too much shock to act. Her lips were on mine. My arms went around her. I pulled her closer. My body radiated electricity. My heart pumped so fast, I thought it might explode.

And once again, it wasn’t quite enough. She drew me closer. My hands moved up and down her back, longing to feel her skin. She knotted her fingers in my hair.

Something in my brain clicked. I pulled away from her. I was on my feet in a heartbeat—which was still pumping ten times faster than normal—and I resumed my pacing.

“What did you do that for?”

“I still love you. I’m not ready to let you go. I’m just not ready to be with you yet. I’m still trying to figure it out.”

I paced until most of the extra energy was gone, then sat across from her. I didn’t want to risk getting too close to her again.

“That book I borrowed from Father Aidan? You should read it. Bethany took a picture of the cover. Have her send you the image and you can ask to borrow it when you go to the church.”

“Why does Bethany have a picture? Was she posting it on social media? This is what Pat’s reading!”

I had to laugh. She could be so adorable. “I love you. I said the same thing, and she called me paranoid. No. She just wanted to read it. She and Will have been together for like two and a half years and they don’t believe in a physical relationship either. They’re my role models right now.”

“Pat?” Melinda’s voice quavered, and I saw tears in her eyes. “Can you promise me something? If you and I—if things don’t work out—can you promise you’ll tell me if you get a new girlfriend? I don’t want to hear it from someone else.”

I was by her side in a rapid heartbeat. Pulling her close, I let her tears dampening my shirt as I whispered into her hair. “I promise if you promise. But I’m not ready to give up on us quite yet.”

---

I had to wait until nearly curfew to get a hold of my brother. He got back from his wrestling meet while I was heading to church and by the time I returned, he had texted me that he was meeting up with Zayne for supper.

My moratorium on the dining hall hadn’t exactly been lifted. I had no intention of eating there unless someone invited me. I opted for a MAC Attack supper and headed for the downstairs couches. When I saw myself on both television screens, I decided eating in my room would be a better idea.

I settled in my common room with Hazel, trying to match words to the tune my fingers wanted to play. Man, I had never realized just how hard Dad’s job really was! I was having a newfound appreciation for what he did every day.

I was almost ready to give up when my phone played the NeoGenesis theme song, otherwise known as Walter’s ringtone. He texted me asking if I wanted to go for a run.

No. I didn’t. Running was a morning activity. It was already dark outside. I replied that I doubted the TRAC was open and invited him to come to my dorm. A moment later, he stormed past me. I followed him wordlessly to my room, closing the door behind me when I arrived.

After storing Hazel, I sat on my bed and watched my brother pace like an animal trapped in a cage. He really did need to go for a run.

I hopped to my feet. “Come on. Let’s go?”

“Where?” He had that dangerous tone in his voice. He was liable to hit something. Or someone. I hoped it wouldn’t be me.

“Haven’t decided yet.”

Walter scowled, but he followed me nevertheless. We crossed the street in silence, then I started heading towards the upper campus dormitories. Eventually, I broke the silence.

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t think I can talk to you about it.”

“Would you like me to get Melinda to come talk to you?”

He frowned. “I just don’t want you guys to be disappointed in me.”

“Walter, you sound like you just got expelled.” I looked at him. “You didn’t, did you?”

Walter shook his head and kicked a snow drift. “I told Zayne I thought we should slow down.”

“Why would that disappoint me?”

“Because about ten minutes later she took off her shirt.”

I was so full of conflicting emotions, I couldn’t speak. I was definitely aghast with my brother’s behavior. Part of me was jealous that my younger brother was in a physical relationship and I wasn’t. But mostly, I was concerned for my brother. I hated seeing him this worked up.

When I finally found my voice, I realized Walter had gone from dangerous to despondent. Since we were near the science center, I led him to the abandoned lounge. At this hour, I doubted anyone would overhear our conversation.

I collapsed into one of the oversized chairs, letting Walter pace the room. I understood all too well what he was feeling. “Talk.”

“I didn’t ask her to do it.”

“Start at the beginning.”

“We had dinner at the MAC. Then we went to the pool lounge to talk.”

“And you had a stimulating conversation?” I tried to bite back my smirk, but Walter was too frazzled to notice.

“I tried to! I told her how I liked being with her, but things were going too fast for me and I wanted to slow down.”

“And then what?”

“We talked about our games today. About classes. And then we ran out of things to talk about. So, I kissed her.”

“But it wasn’t enough?”

Walter shook his head. “She moved my hand to where it shouldn’t have been. It—it wasn’t the first time.”

“Yeah. I knew that already. I’m guessing you left it there.”

“Well . . . yeah . . . It felt good. I guess for both of us, because the next thing I knew, she was taking off her shirt.”

Walter collapsed into the chair across from me. “The voice in my head started screaming that I really needed to get out of there. So, I did. I didn’t even say anything to her. I just ran away.”

“You left your half-naked girlfriend in the MAC?”

Walter swore. “I’m in big trouble, aren’t I?”

“Oh yeah. Let’s start at the beginning. Number one, do you think you’re ready for a serious relationship?”

Walter sighed. “That’s the thing. I don’t think this is a serious relationship. I think it’s just a physical one. And no. I’m not ready for that. But I can’t seem to get out of it.”

“Just break up with her. Tell her you’re not ready for what she wants and break up with her.”

He sent me an expectant look. “Like Melinda did with you?”

“Exactly.”

“But I don’t want to hurt her.”

“Are you in love with this girl?”

Walter shook his head with a sigh.

“Do you think she’s in love with you?”

“I don’t. But girls are funny like that.”

I shook my head. “No. They’re not. When a girl thinks she’s in love, she hangs all over you like a crazy fan. Look at Sarah and Larry. Zayne doesn’t do that to you. I think, if you guys broke up, she’ll be fine. That’s number one. Number two is you learning to control yourself.”

Walter smirked. “I’m not sure you’re the best person to give me that advice.”

“I’m exactly the right person. Because I know what happens when you can’t. And, now, you do too. And that brings me to number three. Before you get involved with another girl, you need to decide what boundaries you want to set for yourself. And, you talk to your girlfriend about it. I told Melinda from day one where I stood.”

Walter furrowed his brow. “Yeah, but it didn’t work.”

“Because I didn’t know about rule number four.”

“You have a lot of rules.”

“They’re working for me. Number four is to keep talking to your girlfriend. Before things get out of hand. Did Melinda tell you I talked to her today?”

Walter glowered at me. “What’d you do?”

“She wanted to talk to me. See, she figured out rule number four already. She told me what she told you last night. About how she felt. And this afternoon, I realized that if I had talked to Melinda more about how we were both struggling, things might have been a little easier for us.”

“You’d still be together?”

I sighed. “We are still together. We’re just not . . .  together. She kissed me.”

Walter swore.

“Yeah, that was kinda my reaction. After I broke rule number two. But, she did, too.”

“I’m hearing a lot about rule number two.”

“Yeah. And it’s an important one.” I shrugged. “You master that one, the rest kinda fall into place.”

“I’d ask how, but I get the impression you don’t know either.”

“I dunno. My voice yelled at me a lot earlier than yours did.”

Melinda’s Story

The next morning, Walter was silent as we walked to the church. I tried to ask about his wrestling meet, but he would only answer in short syllables. Finally, as we crossed the two main roads that cut through the center of town, I asked what was wrong.

He sighed and wouldn’t meet my eye. “I need to break up with Zayne.”

“What happened?”

“I already talked to Pat, so you can’t yell at me. But I told her I wanted to slow down and . . . it didn’t work.”

I sent him an incredulous look. “How did it not work?”

“Well, we started kissing and she . . . kinda . . . took-off-her-shirt,” Walter said in one breath.

“Walter!”

“Pat already yelled at me. Please don’t start.”

I frowned. “Fine. But, I’m disappointed in you.”

“I knew you would be. That’s why I went to Pat first. Did you know he has a bunch of rules for relationships?”

“No.”

“I think he just made them up last night. But, they kinda make sense. Oh, and he told me about you guys talking yesterday.”

I frowned. “Don’t change the subject. We were talking about you and Zayne.”

“We were?”

“You need to break up with her.”

“I know. I know. I just…I don’t want to hurt her.”

I rolled my eyes. “Just tell her you don’t think you’re ready to be in a relationship with anyone right now.”

“I don’t like lying.”

“It’s not a lie, Walter. You’re not ready to be in a relationship with anyone right now.”

Walter gave a sigh of exasperation. “You know, if you and Pat would just get back together, I wouldn’t have to repeat these conversations.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He pretty much said the same thing.”

I just rolled my eyes as we entered the church.

Attention Hammerheads

Melinda is always trying to build her vocabulary. What were some words in this episode that were new to you? She will add them to her vocabulary journal.